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Dear Men #HappyFathersDay

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Since Father’s Day is approaching I wanted to take a moment and post something that was for the men specifically. I for one am a little sick and tired of everyone always beating on the men. There are good men and there’s not just five, there’s a lot of them. If you happen to be someone that can’t find one it’s probably where you’re looking and if you can’t seem to stop picking bad ones then sweetheart with all due respect, the problem isn’t them it’s you. I understand there are some dead beats out there, but there’s good and bad in every kind under the sun and maybe you have never met a dead beat mom but they exist far more then ever gets acknowledged. Domestic Violence is bad, people should never beat on each other but that goes for women too. As an actual DV survivor? Nothing ticks me off more then a woman who abuses a man continuously emotionally and physically until he explodes and then pulls the woman card. You women are disgraceful and what you’re doing is selfish because there are actually women who stalked, held hostage, and killed. So when you can’t keep your hands to yourself because you have emotional problems you haven’t dealt with yet… but I’m gonna leave that alone until another post.

Society has managed to do something pretty awful. Something that if it was corrected would solve A LOT of the issues going on in the world today. Men have been victims of an all out war waged against them by the devil himself. God created man in His image and likeness. Not angels or anything else. God created man. God created woman out of man. If we look back over the last 20-years society has always been constructed to assassinate the man. Everything is designed for them to fail. Images of them with absolutely no self-control when it comes to sex get shoved down their throat at a very early age and almost every main stream  music, movie, or product is strategically designed to portray them as an animal, giving you the impression that their life revolves around women, sex, beer, and sports. There is a generation of women that actually believe it’s okay for a man to cheat because “that’s what (insert race or negative term about a man of your choice) men do”. Then in the 90’s they were fed the womanizing gangster mentality and thus the “independent woman” “single mom” came into full swing as the “norm” and women got so independent they began to not need a man at all so when we rolled in to 2000 they just began sharing clothes since the roles had almost completely reversed and women now believe that they don’t need a man for anything.

So… I could get into so much more but that’s not what the purpose of this post is. I wanted to take some time out and speak a word of encouragement to the men. Not every woman thinks she doesn’t need one of you. In fact, there is a whole bunch of us who believe in who God called and created you to be. So on behalf of those women (and I assure you there are at least a million of us) I want you to know that the world is desperately in need of you to rise up and recognize the authority that God has placed inside of you. God created you to be so much stronger then you were probably ever taught that you were. When God gave Adam dominion over the earth, he was giving it to you so if you get yourself aligned (John 3:16) you absolutely already have everything inside of you to right a lot of wrongs.

Being the best at everything or allowing your value to come from material status and possessions is only a comforting goal for fools. These things are irrelevant to a man of God because he understands he was made in the image and likeness of his creator and everything he needs to be a man, husband, & father has already been placed inside of him with the maximum amount needed for greatness. Greatness is inside of you because God put it there and the only thing you really need to do is find it and activate it.

Happy Father’s Day 

Are you failing at being Single?

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Believe it or not, most people absolutely fail at being single.  Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and a ton of people who are not coupled off took to social media to cry their woes. Being single is a topic most people actually desire more helpful information about but nobody will ask for it, because nobody wants to talk about it. For some reason society has painted us a picture of the ideal time to be engaged, get married, buy a house, have children, etc. and when we don’t live up to “social norms” we somehow have allowed this to make us feel “less than” in the area of relationships. This is especially true for folks who are living for the Lord. Soon as you make the decision to follow Christ and realize that pre-martial sex isn’t a part of the bargain, like clockwork the first thought that passes through most people’s minds is ” I gotta hurry up and get married”. Now before I continue, this blog piece is going to be more of an introduction summary. Reason being is that I actually have a book I’ve been finishing up on this very subject and by the grace of God will be available for purchase early 2017.

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The very basis for my book encompasses answers and strategies for this very problem, most people fail at being single. Did you know that 50% of today’s marriages end in divorce? It is my belief that much of this directly relates to them failing at being single. If you fail at being single, you’re going to make a mess or fail altogether at commitment. “Relationship hopping” is one giant red flag you’re failing at being single. No matter how tough or strong willed you think that you are, anytime you are in a relationship with another person (especially if it becomes sexual) you are exchanging thoughts, time, emotions, experiences, and creating a soul tie. ( and the two shall become one flesh-Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8) There is a spiritual component inside the scope of relationships that generally most people ignore. We are 3-part beings, we have a physical body, we have a spirit, and we have a soul. Your soul is your emotions, it’s the part of you that remembers your experiences both good and bad and it is the part of you that shapes your reality. The more women a man sleeps with, the more lost he is. Every time the man “releases” he is depositing a part of himself into his partner. The more men a woman sleeps with, the more lost she is. Every time a woman sleeps with a man she receives a deposit from her partner. Reckless behavior with the very intimate beauty of who you were created to be by God Himself can pollute every ounce of your being and make you feel disconnected, drained, hopeless, used, tired, heavy, and cynical. Then what happens? Most people never heal, never let God rid them of the spiritual baggage they’ve inherited and instead they hop from relationship to relationship with every single hurt, pain, and disappointment they’ve ever experienced and even if a new relationship seems like a happy one at first? Eventually those feelings of hurt, pain, rejection, and disappointment reappear. Unfortunately we live in a society that caters to your ego and does not teach self-responsibility and pretty much just tells you “leave if you’re not happy” and instead of ever getting healed people hop from relationship to relationship with outrageous and unrealistic expectations that another person is somehow ultimately responsible for their happiness.

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Most people fail at being single because they don’t have a clue what is is that they need. Everyone has a long list of what they want, but rarely do we ever take the time to include God and ask Him what it is that we NEED. This can’t be successfully found if we are hopping from relationship to relationship and never taking the time to get rid of all the baggage we have picked up over the years physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Many people will pray for a husband or wife but never take the time out to be single and ask God to prepare them to be a husband or a wife. Marriage, relationships, and commitment are a job and a responsibility, real ones anyway. Your happiness is your responsibility, not another person’s. Before committing to another person, if we want the best chances of having a successful commitment we need to learn how to be “whole” by ourselves. Two half people don’t make one whole person but two whole people that come together form a bond that is not easily broken. We have got to seek God and make an effort to have our lives whole before bringing someone else in the picture. If you don’t have regular time you spend with God as a single person don’t expect it to magically appear because you get in a relationship. If you don’t know how to productively occupy free time as a single person, you’re setting yourself up to be absolutely miserable when you find out your partner is incapable of entertaining you every second of everyday. Being single isn’t a disease. It’s far better to be alone then in the wrong relationship.

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We live in a time where everything that flies through our media time lines or television is completely sexualized. Don’t make the mistake of confusing sexualization with committed love because they are two entirely different things. Committed love is not based on a feeling, it is a decision. One of the most important decisions you can make is a decision to not prematurely involve yourself in a relationship until you’re really ready and don’t let what other people are doing or what it appears like everyone else is doing be the standard you adapt for your own relational happiness. For those of you who have experienced a significant trauma (i.e. rape, domestic violence, sexual abuse) it is absolutely necessary for your own peace of mind and your future relationships that you get help and take the proper time to heal before you find yourself in a situation that you’re emotionally unable to handle. If you want to build a strong relationship that will stand the test of time, you have to first make sure that whatever you’re building is on a strong foundation or the house won’t stand. You are the foundation so make sure that you take the time to make sure you are sifted, mixed well, and formed before you start laying down bricks.

Keep a look-out for the full book “Living Successfully Single” by Queen the Prophet in 2017! 

#RAWTRUTH101 #Love versus #SEX

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#RAWTRUTH101 #Sex verses #Love
I may step on some toes with this one but the one thing I don’t ever do, is lie to you. Fam, If you’ve read any of my other articles, you already know I speak from a place of both experience and formal education… except in my case, the education came AFTER I already had the experiences.

God designed sex to be an intimate form of expression & bonding between husband & wife. Hence the reason you grow attached to a person when you have sex and if you don’t you’re probably immune to the feelings that go with it because you’ve had so much sex. I’ve also found to be VERY true in ALL CASES the crazier a person is, the more people they’ve had sex with. Now God knows I am no bible thumper and I am a train wreck, this isn’t judgment… it’s the TRUTH. Anything in life you’re exposed to enough, you develop either an understanding of it or you become immune to it because you just get used to it. Pause. Do you know how dangerous this is when we talk about being immune to taking off your clothes and having intercourse? Some of us (too many of us) were ROBBED from ever fully grasping the beauty that is SUPPOSED to come with sex. Some of us (myself included) became the kind of people that just didn’t care. We were immune.

Most relationships today are a joke. People have sex a few times then get together and they have no idea who the other person really is. Sex is spun so freely in every media channel you go through. Folks that can’t handle all the sex being thrown around on social media ARE NOT relationship ready, and if you get into one with a person who is NOT READY, you WILL get your feelings hurt. Fam… what happened to love? For me it didn’t even hit me until the last few years. I started to change. Thinking about having someone touch me who didn’t love me made me sick. For me this was ultra sickening because I was married to a person who didn’t love me and that is a whole other article. The more I studied love, relationships, and analyzing behaviors that worked versus ones that didn’t led me to everything I’m explaining to you now.

Good relationships have good foundations. Good relational foundations are so simple it’s stupid. You have GOT TO be a friend first if you want anything that’s going to last. If you’re okay with someone leaving in the morning, that’s on you. I’m all set. I’m not sharing my body, if we can’t share life. You can’t know my body unless you know my mind. Sex does not keep the lights on, sex does not guarantee that person will be standing next to you in the hospital if you are sick, and if sex was no longer a physical option in your relationship WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE? 50% of marriages these days end in divorce. People do not bother taking the time to get to know somebody then when the storm comes (because it’s LIFE fam. Storms come.), they find out how that person really acts under pressure when money gets low or they get bored in the relationship. Lots of this can be avoided. I say this all the time, people don’t just one day go crazy. They were crazy all along, you ignored it. Let’s take a moment of personal responsibility. Think back to a relationship that ended in disaster. Those signs of disaster were present long before the actual disaster occurred. People settle for the love they THINK they deserve. Incase nobody has ever told you or shown you, healthy relationships do exist and you DESERVE to experience what love was designed to be… a blessing.

Love is not always a feeling. It’s a choice and a decision. Bad days happen fam (Domestic Violence is not a bad day, it’s something else that is very wrong). If you want to experience the fullness of love & life… learn to be single. Take time out and enjoy life. Figure out what it is you want and need in a partner. Let your needs outweigh your wants, because as we know everything we want isn’t always good for us. When you make a choice to love, make sure you have taken the time to get to know the person. Build a healthy foundation of friendship, trust, understanding. It is those things that will help you survive life and the curve balls we get thrown. If you don’t…you are making a conscious decision and be prepared to deal with the consequences.

I kid you not when I tell you after years of bad decisions, bad relationships I finally sat out a few rounds and was single for almost 2 years. Out of nowhere, just when I was truly content with being alone… I met the most amazing human being & friend. I’m sharing this because it’s the TRUTH and I want you to know that it’s possible. I am no better than you, God doesn’t like me better, and I’m still trying to figure out how or why I deserve this. I am blessed that the person in my life is my favorite person to hang out with, talk to, go through life with, laugh with, cry with, share my dreams with, and just about everything else. We have so many activities we enjoy doing together, we never get bored. A small benefit to a long distance relationship is that you HAVE to put the work in to make it work. Communication is a vital part of any relationship success and ours is outstanding. Hell, we even disagree good. When we disagree, it’s not a war… it’s a disagreement with two people that love each other and it ends with us still loving each other because when you learn to communicate like a grown up, you can discuss ANYTHING because you have already established love & respect for the person you’re talking to. I’m telling you this not because you should envy what I have (don’t do that…you have no idea what we went through personally to get here), I want you to have hope. I’ve been with this person about 4 months and we have not had sex and hands down this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. This relationship has taught me the value of having a partner not just someone to smash. I know that if I was sick, he’d be there. Having that kind of peace of mind, is EXACTLY the kind of foundation you should be building if you really want to experience something that will last.

Be Blessed-
QTP