Love this! Be encouraged folks, greatness never emerged from a comfort zone!
I think it’s fair to say that most people aren’t ever taught the importance of having personal boundaries. Proper parenting involves setting limits (rules) for children, school and the workplace have policies and rules but unfortunately the average person doesn’t learn about personal boundaries until they’ve been hurt by not having any.
Self preservation is not selfish. It is very important to have an inner confidence (sense or knowing) of what is okay and not okay when it comes to ourselves. Having healthy boundaries is learning how to own our personal “yes” and own our personal “no”.
Boundaries look different depending upon what kind it is.
You may have a work boundary and decide that Saturday is family day and you are not doing any work related things on a Saturday, period. You may have a personal communication boundary that if someone is hostile or swearing, you will not participate in the discussion until the tone of voice and language can be respectful.
It doesn’t happen overnight, but take sometime to think about all the areas you have in your life and what the limits are. Do you even have limits or do you just go with the flow even when the flow is trying to drown you? Have the courage and strength to see yourself as the valuable creation God created you to be. Have confidence in your worth and know deep down on the inside that you are worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.
“Outward criticisms can only ever effect you to the degree your inward insecurities allow them to.”-Steven Furtick
“and not in any way terrified by your adversaries, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that from God” (Philippians 1:28)
You have to REALLY (and I mean REALLY) not care what people say about you. Listen, you could make the best apple pie in the world and there is ALWAYS going to be someone, somewhere that hates apple pie. With that being said, people throw shade. Why? It makes them feel better about themselves.Sinful human nature caters to “better than, less than” people feel better about themselves when they have something or someone else to talk about. When you’re a mature, emotionally self-controlled person you realize that most often times people will accuse the very thing that’s in their own heart. If they’re corrupt, they accuse others of being corrupt, if they’re fake, they accuse other people of being fake, If they would shove millions in their own pockets if they ran a mega ministry, that’s exactly what they accuse others of, If they could never picture themselves with someone, they accuse the intention of the person who is. etc. They talked about #Jesus and sold Him out for 30 pieces of silver, we’re not that special that we’re going to be exempt, SO GET USED TO IT. The good news is, they don’t bother talking about you unless you’re making an impact or they perceive you as some sort of threat. Don’t believe me? Go ahead and google any person you think has significance.
I don’t live for people’s compliments. If I did, I would die when they criticized me.
We all need a compliment or an encouraging word every now and then but we cannot live for those things. It’s far better to be a God pleaser then a people pleaser. God loves you unconditionally, every day, even at your worst. People? People are imperfect so we can’t rely on them more then we rely on God. There are time’s when we find ourselves alone and we have got to fight ourselves out of a corner and back to life, not roll over and die. If we allow our self-worth and self-esteem to be based solely upon what other people think or say instead of what God has already said & declared over our lives then when people deliver a criticism instead of a compliment, we’re gonna get messed up.
Everyone claims to be so independent but in truth, they’re not. Most people are stuck in a highly contagious addiction called People Pleasing. There is a healthy form of People Pleasing then there is the kind that can rob you of your joy, peace, and in some cases folks hand over their entire self-worth. Nobody wants to be disliked, but let me clear something up (and anyone who tells you different is a liar) NOBODY likes EVERYBODY. Feel better? This is destructive to try and stay in everyone’s good graces to the point you eventually get so caught up in it that you lose yourself.
Everybody knows that one person that talks about EVERYBODY. Guess what? They talk about you. You see this kind of person has lost their own identity to the point that in order to avoid dealing with that, instead they keep a fully loaded clip of information about other people. The more information they offer about others, the less time they have for looking in the mirror. Don’t let people who operate like that bother you, pity them.
At the end of the day, you know right from wrong… don’t you? When you’re at a job, it’s healthy to “people please”. They pay you, do what you get paid for. That’s a safe form of people pleasing and it’s worth ethic. If you don’t do what you’re paid to do, then that’s an integrity issue that you have and has nothing to do with people pleasing.
No matter how wonderful your parents are, they messed up. Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook and NOBODY’S parents did everything the right way. I have seen folks at Grandparent status still twisted over what their parents think. I am in no way telling anyone to be disrespectful. I don’t care if your mother was a crack head, there is a parental line of respect and in lots of cases it ends there. Your life will never be your own if the opinion of other people define the choices you make. Anything you say or do has to be well with you. You are the only person that will grow or not grow, build or destroy, and you are the only person who has to deal with the choices & consequences of your life. They can impact other people, but ultimately they are yours.
Being able to set boundaries and limits is vital to your growth as an individual. Learning how to own yourself takes you to the next level in understanding. There are some situations where pushing past the past cannot be accomplished alone and you should seek help. In my opinion one of the most dangerous beliefs that currently circulates the earth is YOLO. You only live once. You only die once too. (We’re not going to argue reincarnation beliefs because they don’t apply. If you end up reincarnated you don’t come back the same… correct? Discussion closed.)
The Gospel of Q