Experiencing a drought in your life isn’t always the devil. Sometimes God allows you to be cut off from what you have become dependent upon as your supply (job, relationships, people), so you can rely on the supplier and be aligned to receive what’s already scheduled to be released to you, but exactly at the moment and point of time He has already pre-scheduled. God’s ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. He has ways of teaching us valuable lessons in unusual ways. I can honestly say having a lot of money didn’t form my character, being broke did. I value honest friends because I’ve been betrayed. I appreciate genuine affection because I’ve been abused. Having a weekly paycheck didn’t teach me to walk by faith, loosing my job did. Ya’ll don’t hear me tho *shrug*
The word “prayer” in the original Hebrew text is the word “tefillah”. In English, “prayer” means to ask, but the Hebrew word for prayer “tefillah” means to self-evaluate. So when you see the prayer reference in the bible (i.e. Jesus in the garden before going to the cross) that time was used for comparing actions, behaviors, thoughts, & attitudes against God’s holiness. So if you want a more effective prayer life? Enter His presence with adoration / thanksgiving, examine yourself (confession), and then your supplications (requests).
A lesson or situation will keep repeating itself until you have learned to respond differently. Often times we ask God to help us get over a situations or emotions but fail to recognize Him when He answers. God doesn’t answer or solve things the way we want, we always want the easy way out. God is like any other loving parent and wants us to get it for ourselves so we don’t have to keep calling on Him for something we are capable of handling. (Can you imagine how annoyed you’d be if your ten year old called you in the bathroom every morning for help brushing their teeth?)If you ask for more patience, He will allow opportunities for you to practice patience not wave a magic wand and make you patient. So if you have asked God to help you with something? Be prepared to face it until you respond to it in His image & then you can graduate to the next lesson.
The cycle of relational healing is very similar to the cycle of grieving when someone dies. Unfortunately, many people do not take the time to properly heal before getting into another relationship and then 2 or 3 relationships later, they can’t figure out what’s wrong. Too bad relationships aren’t like taking an exam for a license where you’re forced to wait at least 90-days before taking the test again.
Let’s take a look at the stages of grief as it relates to death (some sites will show you 4, 5, or 7 steps but it’s all basically the same):
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)
4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward. You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
You may think it’s crazy to compare it to death but think about it… the ending of a relationship, marriage, or family when love is involved it is a death. It’s a relational death. I know I am not the only person in this world who has experienced every single one of these things during the course of a divorce. When a relationship is breaking apart there are all of the surface parts in play and also the spiritual that many ignore. When you join yourself to another person (even if you only do it once) you become one flesh physically and in the spirit. When that bond is severed, there is unseen emotional and spiritual damage that has been done and needs time to heal. If you do not take time to complete this process? You are setting yourself up for failure and why set your self up if you want to have a relationship that is meaningful again? A lot of divorcees “jump the gun”. I have seen time and time again, folks not even divorced yet and they hop into another relationship because they’re so accustomed to being married that they immediately look for a routine or structure to put themselves back into. Nine times out of ten rebound relationships fail.
Being single is not a disease. We have got to take the time to love ourselves, especially those of us with children who are absorbing everything we do, and everything we don’t do. Don’t worry about what people think or appearances, those things don’t make or break you. God gave you a life that He wants you to live abundantly, especially in love.
I have been debating about writing this blog particularly for a few days because let’s be honest, most reasonable people do not wake up in the morning and try to tick people off. So in advance, if you become offended by this post? That’s not the intention. There is a very serious question that God has been nudging me to ask in a general arena (i.e. this blog) for the last few days and pretty much I need to let it out and even if one person wakes up, it’ll be worth the nine million crazy comments I’ll get.
Have you as an American ever in your life looked at a tragedy or a way of life in another country and thought “I’m glad I live here”, and then carried on about your life?
I’m sure most of us have. I remember being taught in grade school that we were lucky to live in America because of all the freedoms we have here. I remember growing up and always knowing in the back of my mind that there were parts of the world that children were starving. My Grandmother Rose used to always say, “Don’t waste food. There are people in this world who have nothing to eat.” I remember seeing things about China and Russia and how the kids had to behave in school and at the time I really didn’t have the full understanding of what a communist country was. As a teenager, a friend of mine was stationed in Saudi Arabia and I remember him telling me that it was perfectly legal there for a man to throw his wife off of a tower if he thought she was cheating on him. Now as an adult as I would hear and learn more things, it actually started to disturb me. I started really speaking up about causes and injustices within our own system in my early twenties and haven’t stopped yet and don’t plan to. The reason I’m asking you to ask yourself if that has ever happened to you is because I want us to be able to touch down on a point that we can all relate to. No matter what your culture or ethnicity is, we can all agree as American’s we have much more freedoms then the rest of the world.
Have you ever heard the word or term “conditioning”? When someone is “conditioned” to behave a certain way? This is when environmental factors play a direct impact on a person’s whole being. Generally most American’s have absolutely no idea what is really going on in the world. They have not a clue that other countries hate us because all they see is the foolishness the media filters them like all of these ridiculous Face Book challenges, our music, what people post on the internet/ Instagram/ You Tube, and of course whatever tragedy comes on CNN. From the other side? We look like godless animals and that is mostly because that is what they are shown… the same way all you as an American are shown is images of other people and how much they hate us. This my dears is called conditioning. We are conditioned to think things of each other mostly by media. Who owns media? Who’s in charge of that? Six large global corporations who are attached to the banks that run this world through government.
Most Americans are working multiple jobs to survive, they hardly have time for their families because they are working so hard to maintain a roof over their head and keep food on the table and pay off some fictitious debt that is actually a form of control. If you are lent fictitious money (electronic) you then spend the rest of your life paying back fictitious money with real earnings which in turn keeps the world turning at your expense. Then we have folks that can’t find jobs and they resort to other means to feed their families at any cost which nine times out of ten doesn’t end well but instead ruins their life, secures jobs and incomes for prisons, and it’s a double win for the conditioners because it negatively effects that person’s off spring.
I know people have mixed emotions about politics and “conspiracy theories” but honestly if you research what I’m saying you will find it’s all 100P% true and it is available all over the internet. Why don’t more people know about it? The answer is so simple it’s stupid… they don’t read it. Seriously, why would you? You go to work, you have kids, you have more bills then money most of the time, and while you’re on your way to work all you hear on the radio is pretty much music that brainwashes you into believing that money and partying is the thing to do and you are “less than” if you don’t do or have these things, you barely have time for yourself and there is always something to pay for. Did you know that when American unemployment was at the highest, the government played a part in developing games such as Farmville? This game pacified over 85 million people around the world. For the last ten years or so, slowly but surely the pacifying has increased. Most people spend most of the day in their phone. If you don’t have a phone the government will give you a phone. Most people spend at least an hour a day on social media, most of the ones that don’t are watching hours of television. American’s have become lazy, passive, and most of us are overweight. But watch this… increasingly over the years children have learned to stay inside, play inside. They are not exercising, they are not using their imagination and most parents are so over worked and exhausted as long as their kids aren’t in trouble? They could care less as long as they’re quiet. How does this relate? Over the last ten years you have been conditioned to stay inside, small places, and occupy yourself with mindless tasks like video games and Face Book. If you google it, the government has FEMA camps set up everywhere in the US. Martial Law Executive Orders have already been put into play and most Americans are fat, lazy, exhausted, and won’t be any trouble at all if their door is kicked in in the middle of the night. They’ll get used to the camps, after all you’ve been being trained to entertain yourself in a small space for years.
The problem lies in the fact that because actual reality is everyone’s having a hard time surviving so when we hear about things like our brothers and sisters in Detroit living with no water you may care briefly but as long as it’s not you or someone you know? It does not change you or move you… How can it? The bills keep coming, there’s still no money and you have your own family to worry about … right? The part that most people are ignoring is the reality of they are not exempt. Fam.. I seriously urge you to research some of the things I’ve mentioned and draw your own conclusions. These things are not going to happen, they already are. I know that it’s scary because nobody wants to be out of their “comfort zone” but what you fail to realize is that your comfort zone you think you feel is a mirage. It’s time to wake up.
I challenge you not to dump ice on yourself or light yourself on fire, I challenge you to turn off all of your social media, television, and radio for one week. Unplug yourself from the Matrix (It’s a lot harder than it sounds, I did it a few weeks ago). Spend the time researching what’s going on in the world. Research Agenda 21, research Martial Law in the US, Population Control, look up who the government labels as a “domestic terrorist” (I guarantee you more than half of you will find something on that list that means YOU) and research the Anonymous movement. These topics will lead you to more. Spend time with actual people you love. Play with your kids, go for a walk, and above all things? Pray and figure out which side of the revolution you’re going to put yourself because it’s far better to pick a side then not and unfortunately, all of what’s happening in the world is happening even if you choose to ignore it or pacify it.
The bible says “My people perish for lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6 NKJV) but the bible also says in 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NKJV) “14 if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” Do not conform, be restored, then transformed.
A root is a part of a plant that attaches it to the ground or to a support, typically underground, conveying water and nourishment to the rest of the plant via numerous branches and fibers.
Roots aren’t just about plants. A root can also be defined as the basic cause, source, or origin of something. People have roots too. We have ancestry roots, ethnicity roots, family roots, and we have roots in our spirit. How do we get roots in our spirit? Life, love, hurts, pains, experiences, etc. all of these things form roots within our spirit and manifest themselves in the forms of our behavior, speech, perception, etc. When a Mother or Father holds their baby, tells the baby they love them these words are like seeds that are being sprinkled in the baby’s spirit. These seeds grow, take root and begin to grow. If these seeds of love are nourished, they will grow and become the foundation of what makes that baby grow into an emotionally healthy adult.
Most people do not consciously plant bad seeds, but it happens. Rejections, hurts, pains, sickness, disappointments, traumas can all plant bad seeds. Bad seeds can take root inside a person’s spirit and grow with them their entire lives. Have you ever heard someone say that they don’t trust anybody? It’s because seeds of mistrust were planted inside their spirit long ago and every additional incident layering the original is like its fertilizer. If you look at a picture of a tree most of the time all you see is what is on the surface or above ground. If you look at a picture of a tree both above ground and what is underneath the surface, this can help you visualize a picture of how things may appear normal on the surface but are very complex underneath.
What we have in our world today is millions of people walking around with internal rotting spiritual vineyards inside of them and most of them are completely unaware that it is these roots that are choking the life out of them and their ability to be in peace, control their emotions, control their behavior, and in the worst cases? It prevents them from giving and or receiving love. When people get involved in personal relationships with either on a friendship or personal level, nine times out of ten the relationships fail, break down, or are the empty shell of what it’s supposed to be. Unfortunately, this becomes a domino effect because these thoughts, feelings, and emotions get passed to the next generation unless someone at some point breaks the cycle and charts a new course.
With God all things are possible. I don’t say it because it sounds good, I say it because I know it. I’d be here all day if I was to sit and write everything He’s done for me, in me, and through me. God does not like me better than anyone. Grace, healing, and freedom are things He gives freely to anyone who truly seeks it.
I think I’m long overdue to step on some toes. I’m going to destroy an idea that too many people have with the truth. The truth is God loves you. Period, point blank, end of story. People may not love you… hell, most people won’t even like you but that’s okay! My belief is if they don’t own some sort of heaven or hell to put you in? Don’t worry about it.
Fam, life is a test. We may not always understand it or agree with it but everything is an opportunity for you to accumulate wisdom and grow… even the things that hurt. Have you ever heard the term growing pains? It’s true. Growing hurts. Most of the time, a breakdown is right before a break through and a setback is actually a set up for something greater.
Nobody walking the earth is perfect and anyone who says they are is a liar. The hardest enemy you will ever face off against is yourself. Our thoughts, emotions, fears, experiences, joy’s, hurt’s, & pains are all personal. They happened to YOU. They have shaped and molded what you perceive reality to be. This though, is not a free pass for you to behave like a moron. We all have had things happen to us, we have all had moments where we felt like God forgot about us and questioned the significance of our very existence. Here’s the thing though, you must conquer those things and the emotions that are attached to them or you are giving them permission to wreak havoc on the rest of your life and your relationships. You will never be perfect, you will mess up…. But you can’t give up.
I figure mine as well shake things up today, step on some toes, and most importantly make you THINK. Mirror, mirror on the wall, if you don’t look in it, you shall fall. How does a mirror work? It reflects our image. In essence, a mirror is a smooth surface that reflects most of the light that hits it, with only a minimal amount of light being absorbed. It is essential that the surface is smooth, because light reflecting off of a rough surface would scatter the light, thus no clear image would appear.
After you eat, why do you look in the mirror?
When you’re getting ready, why do you look in the mirror?
Silly questions, right? Mirrors reveal flaws. Fam there is not a single person walking this earth that can say they’re perfect, and if they do? They are a liar.
Your reality is personal. Your reality is created by experiences that have impacted you in your soul and how you perceive them. Sometimes, our perception is off. Let me give you an exsample… Women who have been sexually abused can often become promiscuous. So the young women who are often referred to as hoes, are in all actuality a victim of some traumatizing experience. The outward expression of promiscuity isn’t about sex at all. It’s about control. These women tend to program themselves to believe they don’t care about anything and they’re “goin for theirs” but in all actuality, they are only trying to regain the loss of control and fill a void. So many young men are without the role model of a father or have grown up with a terrible one. These young men outwardly express their anger by being determined not to end up like their fathers and will do so by any means necessary, which in our urban communities nine times out of ten lands them in the kind of trouble that follows them around for the rest of their lives.
Life is not always fair. Bad things happening are not God’s fault. We live in a fallen world. Poor God, he gets blamed for everything bad and people hardly remember all of the good. Good is not defined by an amount of money, the kind of house you live in, or the car you drive. If you woke up and are able to move your limbs, you are blessed. If you woke up and couldn’t move your limbs, but have a roof over your head and clothes on your back you are blessed.
Growing and maturing as spiritual beings requires that we constantly look in the mirror and examine ourselves. You are not supposed to always like what you see and if you never find something wrong? Something is wrong with your vision. Do you ever stop and ask yourself why you react to certain things a certain way? The faster you understand that you will never be perfect and you always will have a part of you to be worked on, the happier you’ll be. We are all imperfect people loved by a perfect God. We can’t control or change other people, we can only control and change ourselves. If something angers you, it CONTROLS YOU. Get a grip on what makes you angry. Look in the mirror. The answers are simple, we make them complicated. Hurting people hurt other people. If someone has scarred you, understand they are scarred and you can’t fix that nor is it your fault. The only thing in those situations you do have control over is getting over it and controlling yourself.
Looking in the mirror is a CONSTANT process & it’s ugly. If you don’t face it tho, you deceive yourself. Haven’t you been lied to enough?
Hurting people hurt other people. That sentence alone can give you the reasons why to a lot of unanswered questions if you let it.
The correct answer is always love, it never fails.