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Goodbye 2020
2020.
It’s amazing how fast a year can fly by yet seem to last forever. December of 2019 was when Heaven Razah / Hell Razah was diagnosed with cancer. We rolled into 2020 with a date for surgery in February.
After some complications, he was released from the hospital March 9, 2020 and on March 13, 2020 w everybody was on house arrest because of the corona virus. For Thanksgiving this year we both battled a round with the corona virus.
But despite personal battles and the chaotic state of the world? God has blessed me this year beyond measure. I’ve been working from home, bought a home and have been spending an obscene amount of time with the people I love most.
I have though been missing in action via blog, music wise and social media. So if you’re one of the people who has supported me in anyway over the years just know that you are appreciated. Sometimes life requires us to unplug and recharge and I think most of you can relate to that.
2020 to me is going to be remembered as the year most people basically went nuts. I had that shalom peace though. Knowing that God is with you is powerful. I’m actually excited with anticipation for what’s next. I’ll tell you what though, getting right with God should be a top priority. The clock is ticking, pay attention.
It is sincerely my hope that you have a blessed and healthy New Year!
If you have not seen the movie “Risen, the story of Chron “Hell Razah” Smith ” you’re missing out on a chance to be inspired. Happy New Year folks!
When you find yourself in a dry place
Experiencing a drought in your life isn’t always the devil. Sometimes God allows you to be cut off from what you have become dependent upon as your supply (job, relationships, people), so you can rely on the supplier and be aligned to receive what’s already scheduled to be released to you, but exactly at the moment and point of time He has already pre-scheduled. God’s ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. He has ways of teaching us valuable lessons in unusual ways. I can honestly say having a lot of money didn’t form my character, being broke did. I value honest friends because I’ve been betrayed. I appreciate genuine affection because I’ve been abused. Having a weekly paycheck didn’t teach me to walk by faith, loosing my job did. Ya’ll don’t hear me tho *shrug*
#NationalDayOfPrayer
The word “prayer” in the original Hebrew text is the word “tefillah”. In English, “prayer” means to ask, but the Hebrew word for prayer “tefillah” means to self-evaluate. So when you see the prayer reference in the bible (i.e. Jesus in the garden before going to the cross) that time was used for comparing actions, behaviors, thoughts, & attitudes against God’s holiness. So if you want a more effective prayer life? Enter His presence with adoration / thanksgiving, examine yourself (confession), and then your supplications (requests).
The Struggle
A lesson or situation will keep repeating itself until you have learned to respond differently. Often times we ask God to help us get over a situations or emotions but fail to recognize Him when He answers. God doesn’t answer or solve things the way we want, we always want the easy way out. God is like any other loving parent and wants us to get it for ourselves so we don’t have to keep calling on Him for something we are capable of handling. (Can you imagine how annoyed you’d be if your ten year old called you in the bathroom every morning for help brushing their teeth?)If you ask for more patience, He will allow opportunities for you to practice patience not wave a magic wand and make you patient. So if you have asked God to help you with something? Be prepared to face it until you respond to it in His image & then you can graduate to the next lesson.
Are you failing at being Single?
Believe it or not, most people absolutely fail at being single. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and a ton of people who are not coupled off took to social media to cry their woes. Being single is a topic most people actually desire more helpful information about but nobody will ask for it, because nobody wants to talk about it. For some reason society has painted us a picture of the ideal time to be engaged, get married, buy a house, have children, etc. and when we don’t live up to “social norms” we somehow have allowed this to make us feel “less than” in the area of relationships. This is especially true for folks who are living for the Lord. Soon as you make the decision to follow Christ and realize that pre-martial sex isn’t a part of the bargain, like clockwork the first thought that passes through most people’s minds is ” I gotta hurry up and get married”. Now before I continue, this blog piece is going to be more of an introduction summary. Reason being is that I actually have a book I’ve been finishing up on this very subject and by the grace of God will be available for purchase early 2017.
The very basis for my book encompasses answers and strategies for this very problem, most people fail at being single. Did you know that 50% of today’s marriages end in divorce? It is my belief that much of this directly relates to them failing at being single. If you fail at being single, you’re going to make a mess or fail altogether at commitment. “Relationship hopping” is one giant red flag you’re failing at being single. No matter how tough or strong willed you think that you are, anytime you are in a relationship with another person (especially if it becomes sexual) you are exchanging thoughts, time, emotions, experiences, and creating a soul tie. ( and the two shall become one flesh-Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8) There is a spiritual component inside the scope of relationships that generally most people ignore. We are 3-part beings, we have a physical body, we have a spirit, and we have a soul. Your soul is your emotions, it’s the part of you that remembers your experiences both good and bad and it is the part of you that shapes your reality. The more women a man sleeps with, the more lost he is. Every time the man “releases” he is depositing a part of himself into his partner. The more men a woman sleeps with, the more lost she is. Every time a woman sleeps with a man she receives a deposit from her partner. Reckless behavior with the very intimate beauty of who you were created to be by God Himself can pollute every ounce of your being and make you feel disconnected, drained, hopeless, used, tired, heavy, and cynical. Then what happens? Most people never heal, never let God rid them of the spiritual baggage they’ve inherited and instead they hop from relationship to relationship with every single hurt, pain, and disappointment they’ve ever experienced and even if a new relationship seems like a happy one at first? Eventually those feelings of hurt, pain, rejection, and disappointment reappear. Unfortunately we live in a society that caters to your ego and does not teach self-responsibility and pretty much just tells you “leave if you’re not happy” and instead of ever getting healed people hop from relationship to relationship with outrageous and unrealistic expectations that another person is somehow ultimately responsible for their happiness.
Most people fail at being single because they don’t have a clue what is is that they need. Everyone has a long list of what they want, but rarely do we ever take the time to include God and ask Him what it is that we NEED. This can’t be successfully found if we are hopping from relationship to relationship and never taking the time to get rid of all the baggage we have picked up over the years physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Many people will pray for a husband or wife but never take the time out to be single and ask God to prepare them to be a husband or a wife. Marriage, relationships, and commitment are a job and a responsibility, real ones anyway. Your happiness is your responsibility, not another person’s. Before committing to another person, if we want the best chances of having a successful commitment we need to learn how to be “whole” by ourselves. Two half people don’t make one whole person but two whole people that come together form a bond that is not easily broken. We have got to seek God and make an effort to have our lives whole before bringing someone else in the picture. If you don’t have regular time you spend with God as a single person don’t expect it to magically appear because you get in a relationship. If you don’t know how to productively occupy free time as a single person, you’re setting yourself up to be absolutely miserable when you find out your partner is incapable of entertaining you every second of everyday. Being single isn’t a disease. It’s far better to be alone then in the wrong relationship.
We live in a time where everything that flies through our media time lines or television is completely sexualized. Don’t make the mistake of confusing sexualization with committed love because they are two entirely different things. Committed love is not based on a feeling, it is a decision. One of the most important decisions you can make is a decision to not prematurely involve yourself in a relationship until you’re really ready and don’t let what other people are doing or what it appears like everyone else is doing be the standard you adapt for your own relational happiness. For those of you who have experienced a significant trauma (i.e. rape, domestic violence, sexual abuse) it is absolutely necessary for your own peace of mind and your future relationships that you get help and take the proper time to heal before you find yourself in a situation that you’re emotionally unable to handle. If you want to build a strong relationship that will stand the test of time, you have to first make sure that whatever you’re building is on a strong foundation or the house won’t stand. You are the foundation so make sure that you take the time to make sure you are sifted, mixed well, and formed before you start laying down bricks.
Keep a look-out for the full book “Living Successfully Single” by Queen the Prophet in 2017!
#Relationships101 Broken Heart Stages of Grief
The cycle of relational healing is very similar to the cycle of grieving when someone dies. Unfortunately, many people do not take the time to properly heal before getting into another relationship and then 2 or 3 relationships later, they can’t figure out what’s wrong. Too bad relationships aren’t like taking an exam for a license where you’re forced to wait at least 90-days before taking the test again.
Let’s take a look at the stages of grief as it relates to death (some sites will show you 4, 5, or 7 steps but it’s all basically the same):
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)
4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward. You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
You may think it’s crazy to compare it to death but think about it… the ending of a relationship, marriage, or family when love is involved it is a death. It’s a relational death. I know I am not the only person in this world who has experienced every single one of these things during the course of a divorce. When a relationship is breaking apart there are all of the surface parts in play and also the spiritual that many ignore. When you join yourself to another person (even if you only do it once) you become one flesh physically and in the spirit. When that bond is severed, there is unseen emotional and spiritual damage that has been done and needs time to heal. If you do not take time to complete this process? You are setting yourself up for failure and why set your self up if you want to have a relationship that is meaningful again? A lot of divorcees “jump the gun”. I have seen time and time again, folks not even divorced yet and they hop into another relationship because they’re so accustomed to being married that they immediately look for a routine or structure to put themselves back into. Nine times out of ten rebound relationships fail.
Being single is not a disease. We have got to take the time to love ourselves, especially those of us with children who are absorbing everything we do, and everything we don’t do. Don’t worry about what people think or appearances, those things don’t make or break you. God gave you a life that He wants you to live abundantly, especially in love.
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