Blog Archives

#Love is on the verge of extinction

stock-footage-judgement-day-sign-under-an-ominous-sky

I’ve spent the last month or so observing the social “norms” of human behavior both online and in person. I’ve actually been online a lot more then I have been posting and out and about a lot more then I make mention of. I’ve been observing several age groups and since I really have made an effort to disconnect myself from the majority of my music demands and interactions with others, I was able to get a very clear yet disturbing insight on a few things. I even pondered if I should bother writing about it because quite honestly, most people aren’t going to care. Most of the time most people don’t seem to care about anything these days really until it happens to them personally or it’s too late. After that thought passed through my mind I had to rebuke myself because it doesn’t matter if “most people” don’t care, I do and because I do, even if what I’m writing only falls on one set of ears that pays attention it’s worth it.

Let’s start with the basics, if you can honestly look around you at the state of the world and not see that something is very, very wrong? I feel sorry for you. The lack of compassion we have for each other is at an all time disgusting high, people (both young and old) are entirely self absorbed, selfish, and the average human ego is out of control. The number of people on anti-depressants is alarmingly high, most working class people are “working poor”, poor people are kept poor because if they make $5 over a certain number they lose their medical insurance and can’t afford to pay for it out of pocket, the average working person is absolutely exhausted on a daily basis working 40+ hours a week to still struggle with bills, marriages are falling apart, children are being raised by electronics, the future leaders of tomorrow have role models with zero morals, and we all know that organic is the best food to buy because it doesn’t contain harmful poisons yet most people can’t afford the food without poison in it.

social-media

We live in a time where a tiny electronic device allows each individual person to feel like the Mayor of their own little world. Most people, spend most of their day inside their phone, in their private little town. People spend hours taking pictures of themselves and no longer know how to enjoy a moment with their family or friends without making it a social media update while it’s happening. The next time you go out to eat, take a look around you. Most people sit at a table on their phone. Kids no longer know how to use their imagination and play. Nobody goes outside. These small devices are holding people hostage and nobody realizes it or cares. Why don’t they care? Easy, because the entire trap is designed to stroke your ego. It feels good. You like “likes”, you like followers, you like messages, you like comments. Some of you like them so much you’re addicted to them. The sad part is all of this is a distraction. Most of us are so busy in our tiny bubbles, we have no idea what laws are being passed and every major crisis only has the impact of a status update. We have been trained to filter information so fast that it is impossible for us to hold on to anything because we’re being hit with a million things every single day.

likes

All of what I mentioned above ties into the title. See because of all the things I observed during the last month or so, one thing stuck out to me more than anything else and that was Love. It’s not a secret or a surprise that the Family as a unit has been under attack for years. I firmly believe that what we are witnessing is the manifestation of a well calculated and executed plan that has been in the works for decades. If you distract people from the opportunity to find love or even think about it, you are destroying family. Why attack family? Because strong families make strong communities. Marriage and family aren’t even goals for most people anymore. If you ask people about their goals most of what they start talking about has to do with money. (1 Timothy 6:10 “for the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” NKJV) 

cute-little-kids-kissing

If you’ve had the fortunate blessing to have someone 70 or older in your life, then hopefully you’re going to fully grasp the rest of this writing. I would like to hope that most of us have heard a beautiful story at some point in our lives as how maybe our great-grandparents, grandparents, or even our own parents met. Some of us have even known people that met when they were little, grew up, and are still together. At one time the sense of commitment was strong. Families were supported by their community (family, friends, neighbors, church, schools, etc) and marriages withstood the test of time. We now live in a society that caters to our ego and nobody teaches problem solving skills anymore. We are taught to move on to the next thing that makes us “happy” which is the same kind of truth farmer’s use to catch a rat. Farmer’s don’t leave rat traps out in the open, they cover them with a little bit of hay so the rat doesn’t see the trap and gets caught. I am not talking about abuse, it is never okay to tolerate abuse. I am speaking directly of people throwing away marriages due to lack of self-control, boredom, and unrealistic expectations they put on their partner to make them happy. Nobody teaches people how to make themselves happier people in general and folks are finding themselves in “the grass is greener on the other side” syndrome and nine times out of ten if they took the time to water their own grass it would be just as green.

facebook

We live in a microwave world. Everybody wants everything in under sixty seconds and the things that we are giving our time to are not things that are going to sustain us. Everyone is running, running, self absorbed, running, running, and running right into the grave. If you were to take your last breath today, what kind of legacy would you be leaving behind for your family? Have you accomplished all of the things you wanted to accomplish? Are you happy? Did you enjoy your life? Did you spend as much time with the people you love as you would have liked to? If you died today and God gave you a chance to come back but you had to give Him a good reason, what would your reason be? Would it be so you could work more? Post on Facebook one last time? Send out a few more tweets? Buy that one last insignificant piece of expensive crap that consequently didn’t fit in your casket? By the way, while you were so busy running, did you ever happen to get the chance to make time for God and sow into where you’ll spend eternity? When your eyes closed for the final time, did they close with the assurance of where your soul is going?

dating

I may not have the answers on how to fix the entire world, but I am certainly revealing to you some ways that we can fix ourselves. The point I wanted to make is that we are robbing ourselves of life and the real experiences and opportunities that shape and mold us. We are not being good parents if we giving our kids more gifts then time. We are not building a strong family if we’re too busy for it. We are currently failing the next generation because those of us left with some sense and some good foundation are getting caught up in all of this to a certain degree and as you look down from your age to the age groups behind you, it gets worse by each decade of ages. We need to start remembering the things that gave us the good parts of our foundation, our fond memories and give those experiences and opportunities back to the generation behind us or they will not have them. Think about all of your favorite things from your childhood and then ask yourself what of those are you imparting into your children? If we do not impart these lessons, they will not have them. If we do not allow the opportunity for “nature to take it’s course” and keep trying to control nature it is absolutely going to blow up in our face to a degree nobody is prepared for and it’s already starting to.

holding-hand-kids-little-couple-balloon-cute

In closing, I hope to some degree this has struck a nerve (or two) in a way that gets you to actually pause, re-evaluate, and do something different. I hope that you do not allow yourself to be a social media hostage and shift it back into the “just for fun” category so that real life doesn’t continue to pass you by. For myself personally, I want to one day be able to tell my future children and grandchildren a story of how I met, fell in love, and married their future father and grandfather, and no where in that story will their be anything ratchet that you see on television or involve social media.

Advertisements

#Relationships101 Broken Heart Stages of Grief

images (90)

The cycle of relational healing is very similar to the cycle of grieving when someone dies. Unfortunately, many people do not take the time to properly heal before getting into another relationship and then 2 or 3 relationships later, they can’t figure out what’s wrong. Too bad relationships aren’t like taking an exam for a license where you’re forced to wait at least 90-days before taking the test again.

images (2)
Let’s take a look at the stages of grief as it relates to death (some sites will show you 4, 5, or 7 steps but it’s all basically the same):
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)
4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward. You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

images (88)

You may think it’s crazy to compare it to death but think about it… the ending of a relationship, marriage, or family when love is involved it is a death. It’s a relational death. I know I am not the only person in this world who has experienced every single one of these things during the course of a divorce. When a relationship is breaking apart there are all of the surface parts in play and also the spiritual that many ignore. When you join yourself to another person (even if you only do it once) you become one flesh physically and in the spirit. When that bond is severed, there is unseen emotional and spiritual damage that has been done and needs time to heal. If you do not take time to complete this process? You are setting yourself up for failure and why set your self up if you want to have a relationship that is meaningful again? A lot of divorcees “jump the gun”. I have seen time and time again, folks not even divorced yet and they hop into another relationship because they’re so accustomed to being married that they immediately look for a routine or structure to put themselves back into. Nine times out of ten rebound relationships fail.

images (92)
Being single is not a disease. We have got to take the time to love ourselves, especially those of us with children who are absorbing everything we do, and everything we don’t do. Don’t worry about what people think or appearances, those things don’t make or break you. God gave you a life that He wants you to live abundantly, especially in love.

 

Reference Site:

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html